A good husband is not determined by how much he does with you – Nassau Guardian

What do women want from men when choosing a husband? I hurry to say that too many women really don’t know what the characteristics of a good husband are.

Many women have enough money to allow men to pay bills, buy homes, put food on the table, support their personal needs, and spend all their money as they please. I want to do a good job. Some women want men with enough money so they don’t have to work outside the house. In exchange, the man leads the house by making all the major decisions and having the final say. They make food and give birth to him. This is what I call a “transactional relationship”.

I suggest that these “traits” constitute a poor formula that often leads to abuse. It is important that the husband is working. It is also important that the husband is primarily the leader of his life and is willing to lead with his wife. Certainly not good is when a woman begins a relationship as a dependent. These are not ancient times when women were of little or no value and could not have education, jobs, or bank accounts. Before a woman or man enters into a relationship, both must be independent, self-sufficient, well-coordinated, mature adults. It is imperative that women be completely independent and do not need men before actually looking for them.

I observe that there are still young brides who leave their parents’ homes as young adults of their dependents on their wedding day and participate in a holy marriage with an independent man who is honored to take care of their new wife. did. Normally, during dating, men paid for all meals. Men are doing a good job and young women rely on them to fund all interesting activities. Young women have never or are very rarely in a position to contribute to the financial decisions made before marriage. This is a disaster recipe. If you need a woman, a man without money, you may be in a dire relationship. It’s not a good feature of a good husband. In fact, it’s not even a good feature of a good wife.

In my view, women should not start dating until they have control over their destiny in a relationship. Do not allow the man you want to have a relationship to dominate. Perhaps it is important for me to define the term “dating”. In my own words, dating is a relationship with a purpose in mind. What purpose are you thinking about? Is it sex, a baby, or a marriage? If you don’t think about the end before you start a date, you may soon have an unexpected end. It hurts.

I urge you not to be dominated by the cultural expectation that you will be in charge of a relationship with a bag of money. You may enjoy being with her, but at some point you will hurt her or she will hurt you. If you need to show your strength and masculinity by paying all the invoices, you will be misguided and ultimately a weak man in the eyes of women. One day you may run out of all your money, lose your power, and lose your masculinity. Doing so increases the risk of abuse.

Marriage specialist Dr. John Knolls said that a good husband “knows that as his responsibilities increase, his rights diminish. He is willing to give up everything except responsibility for his actions. He recognizes that his honesty has dynamic and influential value. He wants pious honesty. It’s not just an image. ”A good husband loves unconditionally. He aims to serve, not rule. He shares power with his wife. His daily passion is to serve and love his wife.

Remember that being a woman, a good husband, depends not on how much he does for you, but on how much he does for you. You can only know if he will share with you if you bring your own strengths and independence to the table. Go and find a good husband.

• Barrington Brennen is a marriage and family therapist.Send questions and comments to
question@soencouragment.orgPhone 327-1980 or visit A good husband is not determined by how much he does with you – Nassau Guardian

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