DEAR ABBY: I’m in a dedicated relationship with an exquisite man. We’re not married, however we name one another husband and spouse and have two stunning kids collectively. Our relationship is nice.
My husband had a special childhood than mine. He didn’t have many mates of the other intercourse. I, alternatively, had a whole lot of man mates rising up.
I cherish many of those platonic relationships. There’s a whole lot of historical past with them (some greater than 20 years), and I get pleasure from their firm tremendously. We don’t have any romantic histories.
I don’t hang around with them actually because I do know my husband can be upset if I have been to see one other man one-on-one, even simply as mates. I perceive his viewpoint. I do know I may be jealous if he have been to hang around one-on-one with one other lady, and I might marvel. I suppose we each have belief points.
There are some hobbies I want to interact in, and some of those man mates have expressed curiosity in becoming a member of me occasionally. A type of actions is steel detecting. I’ve the 2 children in tow most occasions and would want assist digging. Even with out the youngsters, I don’t suppose it will be as a lot enjoyable doing this on my own. My husband would be part of me if he weren’t so drained from his 12-hour workday and getting up at 4 a.m.
I’m going stir-crazy with the youngsters, and I want an outlet. That is one thing that excites me, as it should get me outdoor, and is steeped in native historical past.
These males are a few of my finest mates and we might by no means idiot round, however I’m afraid my husband received’t perceive. Is there any hope?
TREASURE-BLOCKED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR TREASURE-BLOCKED: If that is going to occur, you and your husband first have to resolve your belief and insecurity points. There’s hope when you talk about this totally with him and he trusts you sufficient that it received’t excite his insecurities. (The identical can be true if the scenario have been reversed.)
He must know that whenever you do that, he’s all the time invited. Have you ever requested any of your girls mates if they could discover your pastime to be of curiosity? It’s potential a number of of them would welcome the break, too.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a single, retired lady on a hard and fast price range. I like to prepare dinner and entertain. I might do it extra usually if a number of of my mates didn’t routinely devour 4 to 6 bottles of wine collectively at dinner (at the very least one bottle per particular person, plus different drinks).
I can’t afford to spend $100 or extra on alcohol, however I’m embarrassed to ask them to deliver their very own drinks, as nobody else within the group does it. Any strategies for methods to deal with this with out offending them or breaking my price range?
GRATEFUL FOR ADVICE
DEAR GRATEFUL: You aren’t obligated to go broke paying in your mates’ overindulgence. Since you are entertaining in your individual dwelling, inform them what you’ve got readily available, what you propose to serve and, in the event that they want extra, they need to deliver it with them.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.