DEAR ABBY: I’m 76. My husband and I deliberate our closing needs for cremation as a result of I’ve had a lifelong concern of being buried underground.
My kids from my first marriage are Jewish and really a lot towards cremation. Once I instructed them my needs, they attacked me with a barrage of negatives about cremation, corresponding to, “You received’t go to heaven,” “You received’t see your deceased mom or grandson in heaven,” “We received’t be capable of say kaddish for you,” and so on., so I instantly modified my plans.
My husband and I bought side-by-side crypts, considering it was an appropriate various. I was fallacious.
For the final month, they’ve continued to push me to alter to an everyday burial. I lastly had sufficient and instructed them to respect my selections and by no means focus on this with me once more.
So now, no contact in any respect besides an occasional textual content from my grandchildren. Any recommendation or assist can be appreciated.
— UNHAPPY IN FLORIDA
DEAR UNHAPPY: I assume out of your letter that you’re neither a conservative nor an orthodox Jew. As a result of your query entails Jewish legislation (which is exterior my space of experience), I ran your query by essentially the most good rabbi I do know, Rabbi Elliot Dorff, who teaches on the American Jewish College in Los Angeles. Partly, that is what he needed to say:
“The prohibition towards cremation comes from the idea that your physique belongs to God, to not you personally. It’s not in contrast to renting an condo. A part of the lease settlement is that you’ll not destroy or hurt the property earlier than you stop residency. (There isn’t a restriction on piercing, which was practiced by Jewish ladies and men from the time of the exodus from Egypt. As for tattooing, the restriction towards it goes again to the times when the Jews had been combating with the Canaanites, who used tattooing of their spiritual rites.)
“The restriction concerning cremation took place due to the idea that it’s actively destroying God’s property. In accordance with the Committee on Jewish Legislation and Requirements, cremation is prohibited, but when individuals try this their cremains could also be buried in a Jewish cemetery — however, in contrast to what your kids are threatening, it has nothing to do with what occurs after dying.
“There are variations on this topic. No one is aware of what occurs after dying, not even rabbis. Jewish individuals have a constructive commandment to avoid wasting a life. Organ donation can be an instance of this. Though it is likely to be thought-about ‘damaging a physique,’ saving a life takes priority.”
Rabbi Dorff stated your kids must know there’s a disagreement amongst rabbis as as to whether interment in a mausoleum is equal to burial within the floor. So, cremation could also be “out” for you, however you will be laid to relaxation subsequent to your husband in a crypt.
What’s of utmost significance is that your relationship together with your kids be restored.
Within the valuable time you’re on this facet of the sod, you and your kids want to have the ability to love and revel in one another. Weapons like threats and blackmail shouldn’t be used.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
