Pricey Amy: I’m an older girl who fell in love with a person 17 years youthful than me.
I really like this man with all the pieces I’ve. We met about 5 years in the past at my dwelling throughout Thanksgiving.
Sadly for us, his brother is married to my daughter.
I’ve virtually raised their daughter from infancy; she’s going into second grade this 12 months. When my boyfriend and I began seeing one another, my son-in-law determined he would punish me by protecting my granddaughter away from me. (She was 4 on the time.)
The strain and ache I endured was overwhelming, and I broke up with the primary man I’ve ever liked, who I used to be utterly comfy with, so as to spend time with my granddaughter.
Then, final 12 months, my man and I reunited. I really like him extra daily, however the identical factor occurred once more – my granddaughter wasn’t allowed to come back to my dwelling anymore, and my son-in-law treats me like grime. So we broke up once more as a result of the ache is nearly insufferable for each of us.
I would really like your ideas on this, please, as a result of I need assistance.
I don’t wish to dwell a depressing life with out the love of my life.
Heartbroken
Pricey Heartbroken: I’m going to take it as a on condition that your companion doesn’t current any dangers to your granddaughter, and that your son-in-law’s remedy of you is a mirrored image of the craze he feels at his notion that you’re encroaching upon his household.
Nowhere right here do you point out your daughter, who’s married to this controlling and abusive man.
He’s managing to manage the lives of 4 folks: his spouse, his brother, you, and your granddaughter. Maybe it’s time that somebody stood as much as him.
You’ll be able to’t stand as much as him in case your coronary heart is aching and breaking, and so you’ll have to practice your self to resist the ensuing separation. It would assist if you happen to see your individual alternative as sending a robust message to each your daughter and granddaughter: “I received’t let him management me.”
Stay your life. A counselor may enable you to and your companion to navigate the anxiousness you’re feeling. You also needs to seek the advice of with a lawyer.
In my state, grandparents can file a authorized petition for visitation, so long as it’s “within the youngster’s greatest pursuits.”
You would appear to suit the fundamental standards: “They [grandparents] had a considerable relationship with the grandchild.” “The dad and mom have prevented them from having a relationship with the grandchild.”
Pricey Amy: My long-ago ex-husband’s father not too long ago died.
Throughout our marriage, I used to be near his siblings and fogeys, and post-marriage now we have maintained cordial, if considerably distant, relationships.
He and I share two youngsters, who at the moment are in school. We’re each remarried (I consider fortunately).
My ex and his sibling (who’s arranging the memorial service) have invited me to attend the service and reception afterward. The service is in one other metropolis, and I’d journey there and want to pay my respects, however I don’t wish to encroach on anybody’s grief, and I don’t need my presence to make anybody uncomfortable.
Our kids might be there and can stick with their dad and his spouse for a couple of days.
What do your instincts let you know about this?
Questioning
Pricey Questioning: You’ve been invited, and I believe it’s a good suggestion to attend, if you wish to. Run this previous your youngsters, and allow them to know that you simply perceive they are going to be with their father throughout this era.
I attended the memorial celebration for my ex’s mum or dad, beneath very related circumstances. I saved to the fringes of the service and reception, paid my respects personally, after which quietly slipped out (after which stopped at a close-by bar and loved a stiff drink).
This felt just like the turning of a web page on an essential chapter of my very own life, and I’m glad I did it. I hope you’ll really feel the identical.
Pricey Amy: Thanks on your reasoned response to “Second Place Mother,” whose daughter had invited Dad on an unique “father/daughter” journey.
I appreciated your suggestion that the daughter may need seen that her dad had aged loads in-between their uncommon conferences.
This occurred with my father. He appeared to age a decade in a 12 months, and I panicked about spending particular time with him.
He fooled us all (thank goodness), and lived effectively for one more 20 years.
Grateful
Pricey Grateful: I’m pleased you two loved so many “bonus” years collectively.
You’ll be able to e mail Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or ship a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Field 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can even comply with her on Twitter @askingamy or Fb.
