DEAR MISS MANNERS: I go to an individual in his residence frequently. He at all times has the footrest to his recliner up, regardless of who his company are and regardless of how lengthy the go to.
Understanding this individual extraordinarily nicely, there is no such thing as a bodily purpose he must elevate his legs.
This bothers me no finish. First, it places his ft in our faces, and second, it says to me, “I need to be snug and to hell with you.”
Is what he’s doing impolite? Shouldn’t he be sitting in his chair in the identical method as everybody else? What if we had been to lie on his sofa?
GENTLE READER: Normally, it’s the host who tells the company to make themselves snug. Miss Manners has by no means heard of a visitor’s wanting to inform the host to make himself unsnug.
Nor can she image a chair with a footrest so excessive that it could be within the face of somebody seated close by. She advises you to decide on one other chair and chorus from discomfiting your host.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a small college, in an instructional division of about 15 school. Outdoors of the college, I’ve a busy private life.
One in every of my colleagues, who occurs to be the division chairperson, insists that all of us get collectively socially — to have dinner and drinks and discuss what we’re engaged on.
The issue is that I don’t significantly need to spend time with these individuals. They’re my co-workers, not my associates, and I really feel compelled right into a social state of affairs that takes time away from my private life. It feels impolite to state this, nevertheless, and can undoubtedly offend her.
I’m additionally involved for my junior colleagues, who could really feel compelled to simply accept her invites even when they don’t need to, for worry of some passive-aggressive skilled retaliation.
What to do?
A second difficulty is that a number of individuals within the division, together with the chairperson, typically ask prying questions on my whereabouts on weekends. (I occur to be caring for my aged mom, who lives a five-hour drive away.) I discover it impolite and presumptuous that they really feel they’ve a proper to know what I do in my personal life. But when I say this outright, they may accuse me of being defensive.
Once more, these are my co-workers, not my associates, and I need to preserve my privateness. How do I talk this with out coming off as impolite?
GENTLE READER: Was this individual not paying consideration throughout the pandemic, when everyone else was discovering the hazard of sacrificing a real private life?
You might not want to clarify the idea of a work-life steadiness to your youthful colleagues, however Miss Manners does perceive your have to defend your self tactfully out of your chairperson.
In a severe voice, you need to inform her, “I’ve private duties.” After which, earlier than she will be able to ask you what they’re, you smile and say, “Private pleasures, too, after all.” And the reply to any additional questions is, “Properly, they’re private,” repeated as typically as obligatory.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, firstname.lastname@example.org; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.