DEAR MISS MANNERS: The situation: 4 buddies collect at a restaurant, trying ahead to catching up. A lady with a tenuous connection to one of many 4 comes over to talk whereas ready for her eating companion, who by no means reveals. She proceeds to sit down on the desk, eat her lunch and monopolize the dialog.
How can we deal with this sooner or later, in need of securing a smaller desk, which isn’t typically obtainable? What’s a well mannered strategy to say, “Get misplaced”?
GENTLE READER: Positively not “Please get misplaced.”
However it’s true that Miss Manners believes in utilizing light means to keep away from being imposed upon, and has been identified to plan these means. So right here goes: Don’t wait till the intruder has begun lunch. At that time you’re caught. It might be too awkward to anticipate her to select up her meals and transfer.
However when you can catch her earlier than she sits down, or when she realizes that her companion isn’t arriving, you may say, “We’re having a type of assembly right here that will bore you. I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse us. We’d be glad to see you another time.”
Allow us to not quibble about softening the wording. You and your mates are, certainly, assembly, even in case you are not holding a gathering. And everybody is aware of that “another time” means by no means.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve an excellent good friend who visits my home a minimum of as soon as a month for informal dialog. My downside is that she may be very demanding.
On one go to, once I supplied her iced tea or lemonade, she instructed me she didn’t need both. She mentioned that earlier than her subsequent go to, I can buy her favourite soda — which she described by model, taste and the place I may buy it. On one other event, once I offered her with a cup of sizzling tea, she instructed me she didn’t prefer it and requested me what different manufacturers I had.
Though I’ve a cushty sofa, on one event she instructed me to stand up from my simple chair to let her sit there as a substitute. After a cocktail party with different friends, she mentioned, “You will have meals left over. I’d prefer to take some house with me.”
I’ve accommodated her on all these events, however I’m actually beginning to resent the assorted calls for. I virtually don’t need her visiting anymore as a result of the occasion turns into so joyless.
She has by no means invited me to her place as a result of she says it’s too small and messy, so I at all times host. I don’t really feel that I’m required to provide in to all her calls for, however I don’t know methods to politely refuse. Recommendations?
GENTLE READER: Increase your requirements for what constitutes an excellent good friend?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s one of the simplest ways to keep away from explaining your preferences? Like, if you’re requested for the explanation you don’t like a specific film, meals or individual?
I’m on the lookout for a well mannered phrase to keep away from being pressed for an evidence for one thing I don’t wish to clarify.
GENTLE READER: “Tastes differ.” This must be accompanied by a philosophical smile and a shrug. When you want an illustration of the gesture, Miss Manners suggests watching previous French films.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.