Pricey Amy: My good friend “Harry” is an alcoholic. A couple of years in the past he ended up within the hospital going through organ failure resulting from his consuming. Amazingly, he survived.
After that, he attended a number of AA conferences through Zoom. He by no means acquired a sponsor or actively labored this system.
Not too long ago, one other good friend instructed me that Harry commented that it might most likely be OK for him to drink a glass of “good” wine.
My good friend instructed Harry that this wasn’t a good suggestion.
I used to be shocked to listen to that Harry is contemplating consuming once more.
He acquired sober earlier than, however it solely lasted for a few years.
I really feel like I ought to say one thing to him, however is that this any of my enterprise?
If I do say one thing, how do I method this?
– Caring Pal
Pricey Caring: It is best to lengthen and proceed your friendship with Harry by spending time with him, if potential, and by conserving in contact with him.
You couldn’t management him when he was consuming, and you’ll’t management him now. His sobriety is his enterprise. He possible understands the implications of consuming even higher than you do.
If he expresses his principle about “good wine” on to you, you might ask him, “Primarily based on what you’ve realized in AA, what do you suppose it’s best to do? What does your sponsor say?”
Encourage his sobriety and urge him to remain the course.
Pricey Amy: I used to be planning to go on a cruise with a very good good friend, resulting from depart subsequent month.
I paid a $900 deposit to ensure the cruise for each of us, 9 months prematurely. It was understood that my good friend and I might break up the full price of the cruise 50/50. This contains the deposit and the remaining $2,000 that might be due, plus some other associated prices.
Final month I found I had most cancers. I want to start a chemotherapy regime. No cruise for me.
For the reason that dates had been already reserved (due to the deposit), I requested my good friend if she needed to take one other individual and go on the cruise with out me. She mentioned no, that she solely needed to go together with me.
I canceled the cruise, shedding the $900 deposit (no journey insurance coverage).
My good friend had by no means paid me her half of the deposit as a result of we had been going to settle up on the full prices after the cruise had ended.
She has mentioned nothing (regardless of broad hints on my half) about paying her half of the deposit, apparently assuming that the loss was my fault (which it was).
Ought to I simply confront her in regards to the $450?
Assuming my most cancers can be in remission, she has steered reserving one other cruise for the 2 of us in October 2024.
Due to the $450 challenge, I discover I’m reluctant to do something additional along with her.
How ought to I deal with this?
– Feels Betrayed
Pricey Feels Betrayed: It’s onerous to consider most cancers as one thing that’s your “fault,” however I perceive that you just’ve accepted accountability that your most cancers therapy has pressured you to cancel these plans.
Sure, reimbursing you for half the price of the deposit would have been the first rate factor on your good friend to do. In spite of everything, she might have gone forward to make use of her half of the deposit (in addition to yours) by merely accepting your provide for her to benefit from the cruise with another person. As a substitute of broadly hinting, you might ask her, outright: “Are you prepared to reimburse me on your half of the cruise deposit?”
In case your good friend desires to go on one other cruise with you, you might let her plan it and likewise pay your entire deposit. She is going to then bear the monetary threat you confronted (in case of cancellation).
Given how this has turned out, nevertheless, it might be wisest for you two to every pay your personal approach individually – from the deposit onward.
I sincerely hope that your well being is totally restored, so as to face this dilemma subsequent yr.
Pricey Amy: “Exhausted and Worn Out” described the burden of internet hosting a son and daughter-in-law for your entire Thanksgiving week.
Your recommendation to show the daughter-in-law how one can cook dinner a turkey was so sexist! She ought to educate her son!
– Shocked
Pricey Shocked: Many readers responded equally.
In my protection, “Exhausted” wrote that her daughter-in-law had by no means cooked a turkey. She didn’t point out her son. I used to be responding to her reference.
I additionally suppose that she and I had been each making use of a gender stereotype to this challenge, and so I agree with you.
You’ll be able to e-mail Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or ship a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Field 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can even observe her on Twitter @askingamy or Fb.