DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m about to go to Copenhagen to review overseas for a yr by means of an alternate program at my college in America.
I’ve very strict dad and mom again house in Congo who barely allowed me to maneuver to America to go to school. I had been pushing aside telling them that I used to be accepted to a different alternate program as a result of I knew they wouldn’t be glad.
I made a decision to interrupt the information to them at present, per week earlier than I go away, and so they have been furious.
They don’t need me going to Copenhagen as a result of they don’t know anybody there who can regulate me and assist me after I want it. My aunt and uncle stay close to my American college, and I typically go to them and provides them updates.
My dad and mom informed me I ought to drop this system and proceed to attend my school within the U.S. Sadly, it’s manner too late. Every thing is already paid for.
I don’t know if I ought to cancel my alternate program, losing all that cash, and see if I can enroll in lessons at my school in America so as to keep away from ruining my relationship with my dad and mom, or if I ought to proceed to stay the life I wish to.
— Be an Grownup
DEAR BE AN ADULT: It’s comprehensible that your dad and mom are upset. You’re far-off, and so they wish to shield you.
Since you will have already made this determination, do as a lot as you possibly can to offer your dad and mom with consolation.
Speak to the administrator at your college and discover out what contacts can be found in Copenhagen in case you can’t be reached. Discover out what the varsity sometimes does in emergency conditions; set that up for your self and inform your dad and mom in regards to the protocol. If anybody at your college has private contacts in Copenhagen, ask if they will introduce you so to set up a rapport and share that along with your dad and mom. Lastly, arrange WhatsApp and schedule weekly free calls along with your dad and mom in order that they will see and listen to that you’re OK.
In the event that they refuse to agree along with your plan, you’ll have to decide to your personal life.
Should you determine to go, you should definitely keep in communication with them even when they don’t reply at first. Ship them pictures, texts and emails proving your security and well-being.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 25-year-old twin sister and I lately moved to Dallas, the place we each occurred to seek out jobs across the identical time. We determined that so as to lower your expenses, we should always stay collectively.
5 months have handed with us sharing an area, and we’ve got not set many boundaries as a result of our relationship is so shut. My sister has been utilizing my garments and toiletries with out asking, in addition to consuming my meals with out being informed she may.
I do not know tips on how to assist set these boundaries with out making issues awkward between my sister and me.
She makes considerably much less cash than I do, so I really feel dangerous saying that she will be able to’t use my issues, however I didn’t signal as much as present financially for 2 individuals.
How ought to I method her about setting stricter boundaries?
— Drawing the Line
DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: Name for a roommates assembly. Inform your sister you two have to set boundaries the best way that any roommates would.
Discuss every part — together with carrying your garments and consuming your meals. Should you don’t need her to try this, ask her to cease. Her finances will not be your subject.
You each have to determine tips on how to stay as adults. Begin reinforcing that now.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founding father of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to assist individuals entry and activate their desires. You possibly can ship inquiries to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.