DEAR ABBY: I not too long ago attended an engagement get together at a restaurant for our son and his fiancee. The get together was hosted by our son as a shock for his fiancee.
As an engagement present to the couple, my husband and I, along with the mom and sisters of the bride-to-be, chipped in (with our son) to cowl the price of the get together.
In the course of the get together, my husband’s sister, an invited visitor, took it upon herself to quietly pay the invoice for the complete affair. We didn’t discover out till we went to settle the invoice on the finish of the night time. She didn’t do it anonymously, and she or he was more than happy in regards to the consideration this garnered for her.
We had been upset that she didn’t ask us earlier than she did this. We might have gladly accepted her kicking in some cash towards the affair, or higher but, giving the cash on to the couple, however we weren’t pleased that she commandeered our present to our youngsters the best way she did.
After we approached her to debate this, she grew to become defensive and refused to see our aspect of the state of affairs.
Clearly, this isn’t life or loss of life, however what’s your opinion? Was it correct for her to have performed this, etiquette-wise?
— WONDERING IN THE EAST
DEAR WONDERING: Within the Bible (Matthew 6:1) it’s written, “Watch out to not do your good works in public with the intention to appeal to consideration. In the event you do, your Father in Heaven won’t reward you.” (And neither, it appears, will your family members right here on Earth.)
“Woman bountiful” seems to be fairly a handful. If her generosity was spurred by a compulsion to steal the highlight, she managed it fantastically. Was it “correct etiquette-wise”? We each comprehend it wasn’t.
DEAR ABBY: I had my daughter later in life. I used to be nearly 41. I’m no magnificence queen, however now, 12 years later, I’ve been requested by two completely different individuals if I’m my daughter’s grandmother.
It was so upsetting, I cried for weeks. I’ve all the time been self-conscious about my appears to be like.
My daughter is now going to be a youngster. I don’t need her future highschool pals pondering I’m her grandma, so I’ve been considering cosmetic surgery. My household insists I don’t want it. They’re calling me useless, silly, egocentric, and so forth. My husband is discouraging me due to the associated fee. (He’s fairly frugal.)
Would it not be egocentric if it is going to make me really feel higher about myself? Within the meantime, how do I deal with any extra “grandma” feedback with out punching somebody within the nostril?
— NOT THAT OLD IN FLORIDA
DEAR NOT THAT OLD: In case you haven’t observed, an growing variety of ladies are having youngsters of their 40s (and some even older). In case you are considering beauty surgical procedure solely as a result of you have got a younger youngster, a less expensive and more practical method to cope with it will be to easily inform the reality, which is that she’s your daughter.
Whereas beauty surgical procedure could make somebody extra assured about their appears to be like, it isn’t the case for everybody. Your loved ones shouldn’t be ridiculing you for desirous to discover the choice.
A licensed psychological well being skilled may help you resolve whether or not you want a surgical process or an angle adjustment. If it’s the previous, schedule an appointment with a certified surgeon to debate your choices.
Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, often known as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.