DEAR ABBY: I’ve been fortunately married for 30 years. Since my spouse lately retired, her crossword interest has change into an obsession. She does all of them day, whether or not we’re watching TV, speaking or consuming meals.
After we exit, she carries crossword puzzles to do or does them on her cellphone. When our children go to, she ignores them and does crossword puzzles. Over the last vacation celebrations, she sat gazing her cellphone crosswords as an alternative of collaborating in household interactions.
If she had been my youngster, I might take away her cellphone. However she’s an grownup and my spouse, so I can’t try this.
Earlier than she retired, she did crossword puzzles two or 3 times per week, and we had enjoyable doing them collectively. Now I’m fully ignored.
I’ve talked to her about my emotions. It didn’t assist, so I’m hoping to get some good recommendation from you.
— PUZZLED HUSBAND
DEAR PUZZLED: Speak to your spouse once more. Inform her you not are prepared to be ignored whereas she indulges in her obsession with crossword puzzles.
What she’s doing is unfair to you and the household. Recommend the 2 of you seek the advice of a licensed marriage and household therapist. If she refuses, schedule some classes for your self.
From what you have got described, your marriage is in hassle, and your spouse is utilizing her crossword puzzles to flee from the true world.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve lived in my house for 9 years. Once I moved in, I met a girl who moved in about the identical time. We grew to become pleasant, and I loved speaking to her on the pool and mailbox — till I acquired to know her higher.
She has alienated all the opposite neighbors and children within the advanced together with her perspective. She butts into conversations and asks private questions, regardless of claiming to “thoughts her enterprise and maintain to herself.”
Abby, I used to be raised to be forgiving and understanding. I’ve reached out to her and brought her to the shop and medical appointments, however then she freaks out, swears and calls for that I pace up, take her to thrift shops, and so forth. She asks why I don’t take the freeway as an alternative of floor streets with site visitors lights.
I lastly give up taking her locations, however now she has began strolling into my house, sitting down and asking me questions. She additionally will get mad when she sees I went to the shop with out her.
How do I politely, however firmly, inform her to go away me alone and I not need to have something to do together with her? She makes me anxious and drives me loopy. I perceive she’s lonely, however she’s a depressing particular person to be round.
— DOORMAT GUY OUT WEST
DEAR DOORMAT GUY: If somebody will stroll into your house uninvited, for heaven’s sake, lock your door!
If this neighbor rings the bell or knocks, inform her you might be busy and can’t entertain her and shut the door. If she corners you and rants about you having gone to the shop with out her, inform her in plain English WHY you stopped doing it.
That stated, I believe it might be extra hurtful than useful to level out the opposite causes she has made herself a social pariah.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.