DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have been invited to my finest pal’s home to have dinner together with her and her cousin. We had been there solely a short while when the cousin started berating a church for permitting homosexual marriage.
I waited for my pal to say one thing, however she didn’t. I stated, “We disagree about this topic, so let’s not focus on faith or politics.” I started a dialog about different matters, however the cousin continued to make feedback about undocumented individuals, open borders, faculty lunches, and so forth.
The cousin requested me about my daughter’s current engagement. I stated she was with a really good man initially from Syria. The cousin stated that he should be in a terrorist cell. I, after all, stated, “Completely not.”
My pal stated nothing. I used to be in her dwelling and couldn’t say what I actually needed to say. We completed our meal rapidly and left.
Just a few days later, I requested my pal why she didn’t cease the cousin from insulting my household. She denied listening to the insults and gave the excuse that she had had an excessive amount of wine. My pal was seated beside me and needed to have heard the remarks.
My pal stated she was sorry, however I’m nonetheless upset that she didn’t defend me. My emotions are deeply damage and my friendship together with her has modified. Ought to I simply recover from it?
GENTLE READER: Not being fully clear what steps are concerned in getting over it, Miss Manners takes you to be asking in the event you ought to settle for your pal’s apology, and whether or not you might be proper to let it have an effect on the friendship.
The previous will rely upon how honest you decide the apology to be, and the latter on how possible she is to put you in a equally outrageous place sooner or later.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t perceive when somebody asks, “Are you busy tomorrow?” or “What are you doing Friday?” In case you say “no” or “nothing,” it’s such as you’re robotically free to do them a favor.
I discover this very impolite. If I need to ask for one thing, I all the time say, “Are you busy tomorrow? As a result of I would like a experience to the physician” or no matter.
How do I counter the belief that since I’m not busy, I need to do one thing for them? Generally I simply need to do nothing.
How can I politely inform somebody I don’t need to watch their youngsters or buy groceries with them?
GENTLE READER: Your criticism is legitimate, however for consistency, Miss Manners suggests you revise your personal script when you find yourself doing the asking. Opening with “Are you busy tomorrow as a result of … ” is what we try to stamp out, even when your building provides the recipient just a few seconds to assume up a previous dedication.
The reply, when you find yourself requested about your personal schedule, is “Why?” — which Miss Manners instructs you to ship with a profitable smile, not a suspicious sulk.
Please ship your inquiries to Miss Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com; to her e-mail, firstname.lastname@example.org; or by means of postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas Metropolis, MO 64106.