DEAR ABBY: Proper after highschool, our son joined the navy and left dwelling. We’re pleased with him and be in contact largely by telephone as a result of he’s stationed throughout the nation.
Since he has been away, he met a younger woman on a courting web site. I met her briefly on a fast go to. I had considerations in regards to the relationship, and I shared them with my son. She doesn’t drive, works solely intermittently and displayed no want to get to know me within the brief time we had for my go to.
Effectively, they ended up getting married behind our backs just a few months in the past.
What’s accomplished is finished. The one factor I would like now’s to have some sort of primary relationship along with her. I’ve reached out a number of instances, however she received’t budge. I really like my son and, by extension, her.
I don’t assume I needs to be punished for mentioning my considerations. She refuses to speak with me in any respect.
— WANTING BASIC COMMUNICATION
DEAR WANTING: The one one who can repair that is the one who began it — your son. You had been inside your rights as a mom to voice your considerations to him. He mustn’t have run to his (then) girlfriend and blabbed.
Though you say his spouse refuses to speak, I assume that he nonetheless does. Inform him that if he wish to have a relationship together with his dad and mom, and for them to perform as grandparents, he wants to start out smoothing this over together with his bride. The ball is now in his court docket.
DEAR ABBY: I would like recommendation a couple of buddy who is continually downcast and clinically depressed. I’ve tried praying for her, lifting her up and inspiring her, however to no avail. At this level, I really feel like she is set to remain this fashion.
Generally I’ve to distance myself for some time as a result of seeing her is exhausting. I’ve recognized her for 2 years, and she or he’s at all times like this.
Who doesn’t have issues?! That is life. Generally we’re comfortable, generally we’re not.
She takes it personally and begins to query our friendship if I don’t name her, verify on her or go to. It has change into overwhelming for me. I truthfully don’t have the power for her. I’ve my household to be involved about.
I just lately advised her that generally she may be “a bit a lot,” and to not take it personally if I’m not at all times accessible. I additionally mentioned my focus has shifted as a result of my children have courses and I’m again at work. I really want some recommendation on what to do about her.
— STRAINED FRIENDSHIP IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR STRAINED: You acknowledged that your buddy is “clinically depressed.” Has she been recognized by a medical skilled? If the reply to that query is sure, you need to be telling her she must seek the advice of her doctor as a result of, after two years, her melancholy has not improved.
If she hasn’t been formally recognized, level her in that course, which might allow her to realize entry to drugs and/or remedy that may assist her. Don’t enable her to guilt you into doing something that’s an excessive amount of for you as a result of, when you proceed, your resentment will solely improve.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.